Shifting Goals

I have not heard a child who has no idea what they aspire to be,it could be as insane and outrageous but the bottom line is still the same.Funny I just remembered a little five year old doing 'some beauty competition' being interviewed saying she would like to be a queen and if not that then a queen,yes she said it a little crazy and unrealistic but who needs to be realistic at five years? One thing I love about being in the state of growing up is that I actually look back at my 16 year old and give her some tips.I am always curious to read what advice people would give their younger self interesting enough I have not yet read the younger self advising the older self.

You know how everyone always has an idea of everything they want to achieve at a certain age,well some actually do.Maybe they work SMART or they are just lucky to be living their dream since I do not necessarily support the whole concept of basing ones life on luck, in fact I am so anti-luck I despise all these promotions that tell us to SMS and we could win.Really? probability of that happening?Well moving on...

I have learnt something of late about setting goals which is actually the best way to go to ensure you have somewhat of a life plan/map.Well I have so many goals maybe a life time is not enough to go through each one so like everyone else the older I get the more anxious I get because It feels like time is running out and I will not  forever be a feisty 20 something old.The whole idea of destiny and goal setting is still confusing to me so I will live that for another day.Im sure your wondering just about when will really get to why my topic is shifting goals.I am not too far from my dreams but to be honest the whole dream of driving my dream car and the whole marriage thing has really taken a back seat,you know in the ideal woman's head or rather mine she wants to have her own and still have it all in terms of finding Mr. Forever well for me that is being shifted just a little.I find it fascinating that at the beginning of each year everyone has a resolution but just try and  ask who stack to them?I have a friend who makes a resolution to stop drinking every year but does that actually happen?Never. I  I adopt resolutions or goals through the year,a little crude considering I am campaigning for SMART planning.

So maybe I will differ my goals in order to achieve something more pressing but eventually, just like everyone else I dreams and a vision but like I have heard it said;nothing in life is a constant.Sometimes it calls for resistance and most times it only takes persistence but the moral of the whole story,I am not going to beat myself because I still do not  have that Range Rover vogue but I will simply shift it a little on the shelf and achieve my career goals and hopefully along the way my car will meet me.I am not talking about procrastination but rather allowing yourself to live and achieve your goals  at your own pace and doing it the best way -in  style because still just like most things it is an individual affair and if you do compete with a Ferrari while your on your foot?Someone is bound to loose dramatically.

Advice from a life's university undergraduate student.

Thank you In advance

It so human to complain and forget the blessings of just seeing the day.A story is told a about a preacher who kept telling his congregation every-time and in every situation,it could be worse.Many people questioned why he said this statement.I mean how  many of us just say an Amen because the pastor asked for one?

Anyway someone asked him to to explain why he keeps saying that statement.You see this particular preacher had no wife or kids but still he kept saying even in the midst of that drama -'it could have been worse'.

I mean how many people would  dare say those words when reality has knocked you off balance?Well this man said when he lost his wife and children it could have been worse.How bad does it get for him?You see the only reason he could utter those words is because he discovered the power of being grateful..He would have died with his family yet he was still around.I would say so confidently those words would I have been in his shoes.

By the way it is not  a made up story,just in case you were wondering.I sometimes find myself complaining about my job,salary and all the other missing links in my life.I find myself so out of touch with my day because I am on a complaining high.It does not matter how down you are,there is always something to be grateful for.So I decided to prepare my gratitude list and make sure I  go through it everyday,so when i forget to remember what is truly accorded to me for free,I will redirect my focal point to what is in front of my eyes.

We are human and pity parties seem OK for a while though,so instead of focusing too much on  what is not the way we hope it could be,lets focus on what we see and show gratitude daily.

A Little Flawed

It has taken a great deal of time for my friend to admit that she is  not as perfect as she thought and no one is.She had an inherent desire to be perfect not a clean freak or neat freak.No!simply to be perfectly understood and to seem put together and unflawed.(If that is a word).You see it is easier to look at other people and judge then based on your own standards.

I heard someone say that most 'perfectionist' (if you are one do not stone me yet )use their perceived perfectionalism to hide their insecurities.Whether true or not is a matter of an opinion.Well little needs to be said about how this affects others, to some point it almost feels like controlling others and not even knowing  it.I remember a friend of mine who could not allow anyone to sit on her bed in Campus.Infact come to think about it,neither did she.She would make her bed and only sit on a chair so as to not spoil her bed.If she ever did something that would cause someone else to ask questions she would beat herself (though not literally because that would be crazy) over it even though to others it was not a big deal,it is the inability to accept mistakes as part of being human that drives her crazy in her perception,she is calculative not wanting for mistakes to happen so she over analyzes everything.The line human is to error does not really gel with her.

Why is it easier to pass off as a perfect being?It is harder to deal with reality because lets face it,how likely is it that two different people will share the same traits?

We all are flawed in a way  whether it is obvious to others or not.I am not in anyway saying perfectionalism is bad infact it is a good trait to have even at work because at the end of the day you can be sure that you have represented yourself in the most dignified manner.I have not yet,read of any great man born on earth flawless other than Jesus.

The more energy we put in trying to look as the best packaged product,the more we become miserable creatures who live  to please others but are never honest with themselves.It is easier to judge others when you look at yourself as the ultimate.

I am not the refference point on how we as humans are intended to live and interact but I know for,sure unless someone would convince me differently,the only reason we need a saviour is because we are created with flaws.Being flawed is not an  anexcuse not to be the best version of yourself!



Your Not The Boss of Me Now.....

I don't know if any of you remember this lyrics from Malcolm in the middle.I admit that was one great comedy if you have no idea what I am talking about just watch the Middle.It is a reflection of what was one of the best comedies of all time.I am not going to actually be talking about comedies today because then I would have totally lost plot.

I have made it my principle not to allow any Tom,Dick and Harry to speak into my life or define my worth.My apologies if your never is either of this three guys.I am not saying there are no people who are supposed to speak into your life of course there are but that line just reminded me about my late lecturer who used to say 'this is not a small BUT it is a BIIIIIIIG....BUT.Back to my topic you have the right to choose who.I love to surround myself with positive people, the world in itself is depressing so why hang out with people who will remind you that everyday.If you cannot however keep off then to survive you will have to grow shock absorbers.The most damaging words I have heard people describe come from those closest to them.

Everyone has the remote control  in their hands you can flip the channel if the music playing does not entice you.The reason I  say this is because the more you listen to the sinister comments made about you,the more it tends to actually come to being that is how much influence words have of our lives.I was watching some soap opera the other day and you know in the very strategic world of soaps,there was a jilted person trying to  instill some doubt in the head of a former friend.He was right but at the time he was actually trying to speak to the friend,the friend would not budge in fact he  pretended not to want to hear but truth be told plant a seed of doubt and the fruits will show up next.So the friend was second guessing himself and that is where the iron hits the nail,(I think that is how the saying goes).

I like to put my point of view as bare as possible to avoid being misjudged or misunderstood.Simply and clearly we are not always right neither are we always wrong but not everyone has the right to speak into our lives.We could be wrong and yet be corrected in ways that totally damage us where as someone else would have corrected us in the same way and with utmost HATE for the 'crime' and also considering the 'criminal'.Some people have never been in your shoes yet they will be the first to cast the first stone.Know who you want to allow to speak into your life because I believe essentially every word is a prophecy of your life whether you believe it or not.

Moving Forward

I was humming an Israel Houghton song this weekend called-Moving forward. I am as authentic as it gets,so I did not borrow the song's words but the message is pretty powerful.I am sure I in a way irritated my mum humming the same song all weekend even a few seconds ago but concidering how musical my family is I do not see any one complaining.It is more like whoever has a more catchy tone wins the battle to sing out loud.

Before I totally drift away,Let me get into it.You know everytime someone says move on-it more often  times denotes a negative past experience.Well yes!sometimes but whether it is good or not bad truth is people who walk backwards always end up falling.Take for example a person who has  achieved a great deal of success proffessionally and wants to move on to a new job.As poistive as that may be,It will only get you to the door but if you can not prove yourself then thats when the title -'a has  been sounds really hurtful'.My dad once said the most profound statement ever.He said faith looks ahead and fear looks around what a contrast.You see if you never let go of the past,you relive it in the present and never really be in the moment.I am not saying live like there is no tommorrrow!No!simply live in the moment that is where the gurantee lies.

If God really wanted you to live on yesterday,he would have probably left you there but the beauty of it all lies in the potential of a new day so when you are down and you think you are out.Take a listen to  Moving forward it is not only motivational it is deeply spiritual.I have a habit of defending my statement so let me live my  post short and sweet.My opinion quiet frankly is the past is good because it gives you a stepping stone and a thermometer to gauge your growth.I have had it being said that a people without a history are.........(my mind has just given up on me).Moving on,learn what you have to from the past and live it there.It is hard to do that for people who have been through traumatic experiences but the only way to be free and not a prisoner of your past is to Let go and Israel sums it up in his song by saying God makes all things new.

'Just Chill'

You can never really diagnose yourself as being inpatient until someone else tells you which you will automatically give all the reasons in the world why it is normal.I will bbe the first to admit it before I go any further I am guilty as charged.I could give an excuse that being a lover of heels who refuses to compromise on decent walking shoes,that could be my reason as lame as it sounds.Lets face it,no one wants to stand in a que whether there are two or twenty people infront of you.Equal amount of irritation.I still do not understand how on earth people line up in a restaurant I mean is it not the one place where you pay to make your stomach happy and that should equate great service?

As much as I am  impatient,waiting is a no-no for me though if I am being truthful I will have to admit I am not keen on keeping time either.I should probably think about that more seriously.I remember keeping someone waiting for over two hours.I had legitimate reasons but still that does not justify wasting someone elses time.In patient people have the habit of putting the sole burden of their impatience on someone else.It is like a parent saying that he or she is impatient with his/her child.I mean isnt that a little funny being you are the parent so the training of the child is solely on you.But anyway I am not trying to be judge Mez,I will let the judging be for those who are paid to do it.

In life there are so many ques you will have to follow so many slow people in your eyes but the most important thing to learn is how to breath and the magic word is CHILL.Anything chilled is not too hot or too cold just precise.I do get frustrated at people who keep me waiting and I can bet they also feel like strungling me although not literally when I am late.I do not think being chilled means you allow people to purposely waste your time or everytime someone decides to skip the line it is ok.That would be naive most times we all want to go to the same place.Take for example you all want to fly in the same plane and you already have your seat number,why would you feel as if you are the one in a hurry and everyone around you is just dragging along.Most times than not you tend to get so impatient to the point you loose interest in what you wanted to do.

You are probably in church and you would like to go somewhere and that day the pastor decides why not take five more minutes aaahaa from then on being the impatient creatures we are you either teleport your brain to where you were meant to go or you will simply utter quick amens without even being there just for him to get over and done with.Why do people try to overtake in a bend?same reason.

So just chill!

How Big a Man are you?

I know with just reading the topic your probably scratching your head wondering what I will say next. Well nothing new just a new way of putting it at least I hope. Moving on, and into the thick of things. The other day someone got to me. The reason I say got to me is because I am in the process of  managing anger.I am not one of those people who get upset over huge things but I believe small annoying things people do really get me worked up.

Funny thing about anger is,it does not discriminate the difference is in how we deal with it.Come on before you place judgement on me how many times do you get upset on your way to Church or when you are expected to put a happy face? It happens to the most 'up-right' of all.When I get furious my head and not necessariy logical,tells me to confront the object of my anger and that does not always go down well on my part because at the end of the day my heart will tell me how awful I was to person X.Anger is like an illicit brew when you are on it,you are high for a second and you can even fly off a building literally but when the high is over,you have to deal with the consequences of the 'night' before.

I have grown to admire people who manage to keep come even offended and  deal with it when they are 'sober'.It is so easy to ruin friendships or families by few poisonous words when you are on the 'anger high.'You obviously have a clue about what I am talking about so I will not continue with the consequences rather what happens after an outburst.I would rather someone I have hurt come forward instead of secretly stubbing in their heads although when I think about the literal stubbing,I would like to withdraw my statement.We will all annoy people around as at one time or another or they will annoy us.The way we deal with it is what deserves the 'Grammy award'.The Bible actually says in your anger make sure you do not sin!You can never completely deal or contain your anger so the starting point is for small baby steps.

I have learnt from a close friend of mine  that being the bigger man is simply working a way and dealing with the issue after having some cool-down session.Confrontation during the 'anger high' is always the worst.Walking away as opposed to locking fists or bitter exchange of words is always the best. You are  a much bigger man or woman if you can manage your anger.

What Makes a Superstar?

I am very intrigued by celebrities it is not so much about their star power but rather the real persona behind the glamour and flashy lights.See all or most of them have a story to tell.The one thing I want to talk about is the fact that they are all unique that is why they are regarded as celebrities.Whether they are worth the title or position is not for me to judge.

I want to look at the competition between 'uniques'.Everyone of them is out to out do the other and bring  a fresh element to their are of specialisation.Whether it is through outrageous fashion or pulsating music videos.I will not argue about the morality of what they do but rather how  distinct they all are.I have not hard a celebrity say she or he would like to be a copy of another.So this statement begs the question:why are we trying  so much to a copy or imitation of someone else?I mean why are we caught in the rat race of trying to look like so and so or have lips like who ever you admire?I was shocked to read that though manipulation of genes parents can choose what qualities they admire in their 'idols' and have their children looking like them.How outrageous is that?

Imagine for a second if that was the order of the day.A whole town of look-a- likes with nothing super about them.I believe every woman old or young struggles with weight but it breaks my heart to hear someone  say they would do anything to look like someone else.Really?before Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez,curvy as a body type was not as accepted as it is right now.They used whatever makes them unique and made it acceptable.I'm I saying forget the salon or do not bother with trends!No.of course not as long as this is not in pursuit of looking like a copy or as long as this things do not master you,then go for it.We need to spend sometime in the mirror and see ourselves in our own eyes.Confidence comes with knowing who you are and accepting there are things you do not like but also looking at things you see as amazing whether someone else has noticed or not.No one has the full package everyone has something they wish was better but we do not get stack at that.

I am not saying that it is easy to do so on the contrary,it takes time and energy to see yourself.You  do not have to be in the shadows,you are worth shinning on your own.The story is the same and I may write it in an other diction but the message still remains the same. You are unique accept that and live it.

You choose what is 'cool' to you and  who knows we could be celebrating you!So you know what makes a superstar?Being unique and if you can be that,then you are already a star you just need to be celebrated!!

Not so Gray!

I am fascinated by people who are eternal pessimists they wake up and see  a lovely day outside instead of seeing the beauty of that-they begin previewing what is wrong with  the day.You call it reality,well you make your reality.It does get to me to even spend a second with them I  mean there are SO many negative things in the world,do we really need someone sitting  next to us magnifying it?I say no!Then wait until they break a heel on their way to work we never get the end of how bad the day is yet it is a simple case of a shoe breaking now the particular someone has already visualised how everything terrible will happen.Of course it does go horribly  wrong as predicted.

Let me get to my point see we all have those mornings that have a few mishaps.I have learnt the secret  code of silence when things start out a little shaky.We are not born optimist or pessimists our environment dictates it but we cant let our background take all the blame there are too many success stories out there from people who had really tough backgrounds.We  choose what to let into our space.I found myself with an acquaintance who was in a bad space to say the least she was  complaining about how horrible everything is.

To make her feel better I repeated her negative statement and before long true to my words though everything was great,by declaring those little words all in the name of solidarity my world over-turned for a while.It is so interesting to me that we have that kind of power.It is not just a Biblical statement but rather true!You could say that is a coincidence but i beg to differ.I believe that with our words we really shape what we want.I do not suggest that mere  words is enough but more often or not what we talk about constantly becomes our truth.A friend of mine once said if you get into something you have no belief in or declare the negative before you even start,chances are it will definitely fail.You have  set your mental register to only see the negative so even if you met the 'perfect' scenario for work or whatever else you desire,you would be too absorbed on what could go wrong to see it.

Truth is  the world is dark and bright  at the same time look around and declare the positive you want.It is no fantasy but as much as the negative out ways the positive what should we dwell on?solutions or more problems!Someone once said- 'why should you spend your time talking about things you hate?surely there must be some good in your environment'!You are allowed to feel a little negative sometimes but if that is how you decide to live,then you really are not living you are merely existing!Living is all about seeing the negative and still taking a calculated risk and believing there is some good out there!!

'New Girl Syndrome'

All of us have experienced those very awkward first days at work or school.Saying it is uncomfortable is an understatement it straight out nerve-wracking.See most of us  start school at the same time with our peers so it is not as appalling as when you have to be the new girl who looks scared and shy.Through primary you become  the senior and finally the one who notices all the new faces around because at this point you are in the comfort zone of your school circle.

High school for me was even more depressing being the new girl.My friend and I were among the last ones to join our classmates so I would say at least the rest had got enough time to know each other or to stare.We on the other hand were just thrust in unfamiliar territory from strange introductions that felt like they were taking forever.I mean you do not want to  steal the spot light on the first day or seem too forward or shy.The uncertainty in whether you should simply laugh  at a  'so not funny' jokes to camouflage is very evident.For that one minute you look around and realise hi-you have no idea who your room-mates are and their faces sort of creep you or probably your face does the same to them.After all that they are still seniors lining up as if they have an inherent power to supervise all the new girls.All the discomfort that goes with it like watching you do not look as if you were sneering.I can not tell you how many times I had to fake a smile just to get through the seniors 'unharmed.'

Somehow time drags when you are new and a simple semester in Varsity feels like eternity and while the actual lecture,hmmm....., it just makes you wish  you could  go back to High school.There is the odd silence and no one knows who to share notes with or even what language this strange alien 'speaks'!From my communication class I would confidently tell you to always make sure you gravitate to people whom you think you could possess similar world  views but never hang out in the corner alone.Is this always the case?Of course not as much as I know this I am also realistic but I will not seat in a corner alone.I think I just contradicted myself.

Truth is the 'new girl syndrome' is something we all go through whether at work or in school,.The trick is simply in the way we respond to it.As tempting as it is to seat in a corner and devour all the food alone,the best conversations happen at that moment.From my P.R class we  had a whole two hour lecturer on the bset way to network in an elevator,strange you think?A plus is - there is always someone who is just feeling the same uncomfortable tickle that you feel and they have chosen to plunge into deep conversation.

So plunge into that conversation-just do not dominate and sharpen your networking skills so no one will put you in a box without your concent!!

Take Time To Grow

I remember  when  I was younger wanting so much to grow up.Stealing my mum's heels and wishing they could fit.I was what I like to refer to as a grown up baby.It may sound ironic when I say I wish I could turn back the hands of time and be a baby one more time,have someone jump at my every Little hick up.Play a little in the mad,eat some soil and go to bed without a worry in my mind.

While my friends were playing Kati or rounders in primary school,I would be substitute who sat in the bench and never got to play-more like a spectator.I was the extra in the team but never got to test what strange forces my friends had been possessed with to enjoy  a simple game of kati that required so much energy.There was bladder something with benefit of hind site I do not see why it was even considered a game.If you know a small country in the east of Africa or grew up there then you can second me.You will understand what the yapping about these the games is about.

I am not that old and now I'm pretty sure you are wondering why I am defending myself.I have no problem divulging my age because after all I am forever young in my head just not as young as I would like to look.Anyway back to the topic.See I did not do the childish things that at least most of us growing up in the 80's did but hi before you start pitying me let me just say I had dolls and a tea set.My lecturer would go crazy if she heard the kind of games I played because according to the feminist studies she taught me for three weeks that is not acceptable that baby girls are given games that do not stimulate their brains.That I will talk about another day.

See growing up we all look forward to being considered an adult.I remember when I moved from Sunday school to pre-teen and finally to teen then youth at least my church so the difference in those stages of my growth.Now if you ask me,I want to be sixteen forever but do not roll eyes just yet.I love being  a young adult as I fondly consider myself.We have responsibilities and now we do not say-when I grow up i want to be........now it is do or die.Our time is in the now!!So before think I will probably be one of those parents competing with their teens in the clubs, I would beg to differ.Before I loose my bearing and totally go out of topic,let me just say growing up is tough and tougher as you get into  adulthood.There is no tryed and tested formula just ask your parents if you have siblings.

So the next time I go for shopping and find a little  girl trying to race me  for the make- up,I will purposely block her way until she walks away.why rush your growth process?There is no escaping it.I mean I think U- sher is cool but just ask all the  teens drooling over Justin Bieber they will tell you Usher is old and has nothing on Justin.Relax,breath and take your time and enjoy the little love letters with a hint of perfume and laugh out loud when you can and make it as often as you can.Go out and watch movies or whatever tickles your fancy.

Getting Real

Wow!!! It feels like I had the longest break ever but im back and ready to get real.I had a pretty interesting weekend more like one of those ones which get you crying and smiling at the same time.You know when I started blogging I felt as if I had experienced more so i was in a position to give advice but really-I was not.

A friend of mine got a call  that an old friend of hers had been  in  an accident and no  one could really tell her what happened so despite the fact that she lives so far from him she dared to go to an unfamiliar grounds.See this friend of mine in all the time they have been friends,she had never visited him.He had taken the role of doing the visiting.On her way to see him,she had so many thoughts of what and how he could be.It is in that moment that she realized she loved him so much that she could not imagine for a second not being with him.

Sounds like a fairy tale or a made up love story right?wrong.It is a true story so she says  and I believe her because I was with her the whole time.Back to the story,they finally met and thank Heaven he was still in one piece.It is events like this that you cant satirize,moments like this that you can't put in movies and expect the same human emotion.

I was not intending on it to be a love story but if that is what it takes to put my point across then I will allow it.Seeing my friend happy and relieved meant so much to me that the number of times we got lost did not matter.

Does that kind of love exists?I do not have an answer for that but my friend was beeming and for the first time in along time she was actually very happy and honest.Pure joy is what you can call that moment.You know the reality is- it is hard to have that but is it impossible?Hell no!Does it have to take that kind of awakening to really allow ourselves to love and to be loved?Do we always have to have a gurantee or can we just allow ourselves to be?

Reality sucks and there are so many pesimists but you know what my friend is experiencing has no logic or scientific formula to  and I will go right out and say Im glad I was with her to see that magic.

Tell me what you think.